Understanding Why We Have Such Poor Ways Of Emotional Coping In Western Culture And Society.

So many times I've asked  why we never learned emotional resilience techniques as children. "It would have saved years and years of pain," they say. But we know our parents didn't have the resources, nor did theirs.

By Paola Bapelle

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This question of why has been haunting me:

Why do we emotionally cope the way we do in our modern society?

Why do we suppress our emotions even though it’s deeply harmful to our physical and mental health?

What's led us to have such poor emotional coping?

What's taught us to negate our emotions as forms of weakness?

How did vulnerability or showing emotions become a sign of weakness?

I have a working answer with a lot more research to do. Here's what I got so far:

Inspirational French Philosopher Rene Descartes coined the Latin "Cogito, ergo sum: I think, therefore I am," which formulated perhaps the foundations of mind-body dualism.

His brilliant new direction in thought and deductive reasoning was a pendulum swing from the faith-based reason and logic in Christian Theology.

His work, amongst others, paved the path of the Cartesian era of the 17th and 18th centuries.

This era was marked by an emphasis on reason and the scientific method. It was groundbreaking thought and challenged the status quo in medieval Europe based on faith, traditional explanations based on religion, and superstition.

The Cartesian era, also known as the Age of Reason or the Enlightenment era, was a time of significant intellectual and cultural development focusing on reason, science, and progress.

This period profoundly impacted Western civilization and was the root of the modern scientific method, biology, capitalism, and the Industrial Revolution.

It was huge. However…

The argument against Descartes' philosophy, "I think, therefore I am," is that it places too much emphasis on the rational mind and ignores the role of the body and emotions in humans.

It's argued that this philosophy was a "cold, rationalistic, and calculative conception of human existence." It's the foundation of mind-body dualism that separates the mind from the body, which ironically, using modern research, is far from the truth.

The mind and body intricately connect with complex biological relationships that mutually influence each other.

“Mind over matter” exemplifies common vernacular that personifies this thought perfectly, emphasizing a hierarchy and importance of the mind over the physical world and matter.

The Cartesian era also grew the thought of mechanistic views of man and nature, which saw nature and the body more as a machine than a living, mutually connected organism and that it could be understood and controlled through reason and mathematical calculation.

Consequently, this emphasis on the rational mind over the body and emotions has created a culture that devalues feelings and prioritizes productivity over holistic well-being.

Concurrently the Protestant work ethic, "moral duty," the Industrial Revolution and capitalism were growing thoughts of this time. With this shift from Feudalism came a promotion of “autonomous agency” and longer work hours, often to the detriment of the mental and physical health.

In this context, emotions were seen as distractions or hindrances to productivity. The focus was on rationality, efficiency, and productivity rather than emotional health or well-being, was paramount.

This way of thinking reinforced social norms in western societies to deny emotional health as they saw emotions as signs of weakness, instability, irrational, impulsive, and inherently excuses to productivity.

Men, in particular, were discouraged from expressing their emotions, as this was seen as unmanly and perhaps the foundation of modern toxic masculinity.

It would be overly simplistic to say Descartes' theories led to the denial of emotions. However, there's a profound link between the focus of logic and reason three centuries ago with the importance of the mind and intellect in hierarchy to the emotions, the mechanistic view of nature and the body, reason and logic superseding emotional expression, the rise of capitalism through the Industrial Revolution and the focus on productivity are the foundations to why we have such poor emotional coping in our modern age.

Whew! It’s a lot, but makes so much sense.

When I reflect on this, I see a corporate culture that allows three days of leave for grief after a death in the family.

I see cold responses to grief as "when will you be over this." "You've grieved long enough." "Just stay busy." "Time will heal your wounds."

We can see a culture where vulnerability equals fragility, and showing emotion is a sign of weakness as we shame and judge how we feel.

When we emotionally release in front of others we often say we are “having a melt down,” or "falling apart," or "breaking down.”

We can see that feelings are failures, and we do everything we can to bottle and bury our feelings.

I see a culture of burnout.

I see provider fatigue and many departures from teaching and healthcare-related fields.

I see the opioid crisis.

I see an increase in suicides.

I see mass resignation post-pandemic and quiet quitting.

We're exploring 4-day work weeks to find work-life balance without honoring the root cause of the problem.

It makes sense now why we have coffee breaks - a designated "break" for a stimulant to keep workers producing.

We're in a cultural revolution, and our body is revolting.

It's revolting over two centuries of sacrifice and denial.

The same productivity of the past is catching up, and there's a need for re-evaluation.

We are entering a new era - a revolution beyond the dualism of the mind and body to an integrated wholeness of Whole Being Living.

We must consider emotional health as a vital ingredient for our vitality.

We cannot deny our emotions as we have done for generations.

If we wonder why there's so much crisis in the world, there's a reason: We are on burning from within. We cannot deny how suppressing emotions is impacting the world we create.

Unresolved emotional pain can make even the most educated highly unintelligent.

It's time to wake up.

By Paola Bapelle

FOLLOW PAOLA  : FACEBOOK TWITTER  INSTAGRAM

Comments

How do I cope with my emotions as a Scorpio Moon?
as a fellow scorpio moon, i can tell you that its HARD for me to express my feelings.

“im okay” is a very very common white lie of mine. i simply dont like being vulnerable, and people knowing im not okay.

with coping with emotions, you need to look at the other side of things. i find myself thinking and feeling very “black and white”.

if your friend hasnt texted you back when you needed them, you could think, “bitch isnt responding? ill show her!!” but you need to remind yourself: “maybe they are busy. its the weekend, she could be with family” as a scorpio moon, i often find myself needing to find the gray areas that i dont see initially. like, balancing out the thought.
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Michael Lyons
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Marissa Lee
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Ph. D in Psychology, University of California, Los Angeles (Graduated 2017)
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4y
What is the best way to get out of sad, drained feeling?
I love a technique they use in burn wards for children. They can only be given so much pain medication. When you are down and out pick a random letter in the alphabet such as “r”. Now think of all the words you can that start with “R”. Rabbit, rain, rocks, right, etc… your mind will begin to go on a…
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Ann Arredomdo
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How do I contain the envy I felt to my sister because my parents were always biased to her?
Containing will do nothing but make things worse

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Ama
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Lives in Earth
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Would you say you know how to cope emotionally or do you live more in denial, avoidance and distraction?
I am pretty resilient and I face reality. I think that is the best way to have a healthy emotional life. Denial, avoidance or distraction are just ways to push a problem to a future date. Better deal with it when it arises.…
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Charles Aseguarti
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What is your biggest emotional struggle and how do you cope?
What it is? It’s misunderstanding, people are too cold to truly understand the train of thought of another person(my case). I cope through meditation to keep my feelings in inner peace.…
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Gabriel Firuz-Zamri
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Scorpio Sun, Aries Moon, Virgo Ascendant (Vedic Sidereal)
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How do I cope with my emotions as a Scorpio Moon?
Well, to be honest, that entirely depends on what your other placements are. Plus, are you using Western Tropical or Vedic Sidereal? I personally find the latter to be a lot more accurate. While your moon sign represents your emotional self, your Sun sign (soul), Rising (physical), Mercury (communica…
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Audun Nilsen
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Studied at Vestby Videregående Skole
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How do I contain the envy I felt to my sister because my parents were always biased to her?
What are you eating?

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Kwan Yin
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Studied at MBA in Marketing
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How do I contain the envy I felt to my sister because my parents were always biased to her?
That is the way my parents were with my sister: she is sooo witty, sooo beautiful soooo good, so practical, so successful, so perfect. Yes, and they ignored me, criticized me, blamed me. Here’s what you need to do: focus on having a good relationship with your sister if you can, and do the best you c…
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Brandon P.
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How do I contain the envy I felt to my sister because my parents were always biased to her?
Easy. It isn’t her fault. Consider that they probably had enough trust and faith in your ability to be independent. That’s a huge compliment and show of respect. If they thought she needed more attention or protection, it was probably because they knew you’d be alright. My sister always got more hand-…
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Wendy Brown
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Retired Nurse
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How do I contain the envy I felt to my sister because my parents were always biased to her?
The way that worked for me is to change my way of looking at it. I came to understand that this was just the way my parents were, and there is absolutely nothing I can do to change them. Ever. So, I accepted it. I let go of the hurt and frustration and anger, and went forward. I forgave them. (Forgiv…
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Precious Oha-Moses
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Would you say you know how to cope emotionally or do you live more in denial, avoidance and distraction?
I would say am learning to cope emotionally…#amjustsaying

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Marduk
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They kept saying wisdom would come with age. . . . 60-plus years still waiting.
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Would you say you know how to cope emotionally or do you live more in denial, avoidance and distraction?
QUESTION: Would you say you know how to cope emotionally or do you live more in denial, avoidance and distraction? ANSWER: Er… yes.

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Adam Miller
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Former Journeyman Electrician at U.S. Air Force (1997–2009)
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Would you say you know how to cope emotionally or do you live more in denial, avoidance and distraction?
I cope. I used to do those other things. It got me no where.

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Boyd Bryant
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Missionary (2018–present)
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Would you say you know how to cope emotionally or do you live more in denial, avoidance and distraction?
I think we all struggle with coping with emotions. But, the better we can step back and look why we have these emotions the better we can understand how to cope with them. I know a lot of the time certain emotions I have don’t even line up with they way I feel. So, 90 percent of the time it’s probab…
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Jade
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Bsc in Business and Info Technology, Manchester Metrpolitan (Graduated 2008)
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Would you say you know how to cope emotionally or do you live more in denial, avoidance and distraction?
I have been through every emotion… whilst living with my non English speaking parents! :-(( dealing with banks, solicitors and the police… for my dad and his driving… :-((…
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Sharkar Mahdi
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Founder Chairman at Manush Foundation (2015–present)
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Would you say you know how to cope emotionally or do you live more in denial, avoidance and distraction?
I try to be practical.

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Derreck Frost
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Security Guard and Aspiring Novelist (2014–present)
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Would you say you know how to cope emotionally or do you live more in denial, avoidance and distraction?
A2A “Would you say you know how to cope emotionally or do you live more in denial, avoidance and distraction?” In my own personal opinion? I believe I am copping quite well currently. Whenever I feel the darkness of sadness, anger, etc, start to dominate my body I will separate myself from society to g…
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Gerald Devereux
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Former Pastoral Ministry (1988–2014)
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Would you say you know how to cope emotionally or do you live more in denial, avoidance and distraction?
To cope.

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Marcia Shoberg
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Survivor, trainer, coach
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Would you say you know how to cope emotionally or do you live more in denial, avoidance and distraction?
I'm pretty good at it by now, so yes. I can say otherwise in the past. Age, experience, and the development of my prefrontal cortex has a lot to do with it.…
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Valarie Gail Niessner
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Studied at Pitman High School
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What is the best way to get out of sad, drained feeling?
Think on things that are Positive! Every negative can be out weighed with a positive. Start Thanking GOD for what you do have and that your alive to feel emotion. A grateful heart is something that shines in a person. Why are you sad? Then attack that with, “I am not going there and start doing some…
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Hideki Tojo
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Would you say you know how to cope emotionally or do you live more in denial, avoidance and distraction?
Denial. Im like churchill. Were the woman who he proposed the marriage to said if i were youbg and you wpuld have all gold im the world i would not marry you. I mean even if she had existed i would have had no chance. Maybe its better that it was all bs so i would Not confronted with the harsh truth…
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Tom Gee
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Former Single Parent, Wikipedian, Geek.
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Would you say you know how to cope emotionally or do you live more in denial, avoidance and distraction?
I am on my journey of emotional happiness. Part of the journey is not being deterred by denial, avoidance and distraction. The more content with your inner self you become, the less you have to worry about denial, avoidance and distraction. You realize that they are present, but they are part of mind…
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Lance Ishimoto
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Former SVP at Lexicon Pharmaceuticals (company) (1998–2020)
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Would you say you know how to cope emotionally or do you live more in denial, avoidance and distraction?
I know how to cope (acknowledge it, feel it, and then put it to work for you— to those so inclined, pain can be very inspirational). However, my wife calls what I do denial, avoidance, and distraction (apparently, because I don’t choose to waste years sulking/sobbing over spilled milk, seemingly aga…
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Jason Berman
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Works at North-South Communications
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How do I contain the envy I felt to my sister because my parents were always biased to her?