By   Gaurav Inani |  YEET MAGAZINE |  Published 0439 GMT (1239 HKT) November 13, 2021

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"Cookie jarring": This sad new trend for couples that you should be wary of

Cookie jarring is a new type of romantic relationship that must be avoided. It consists of keeping a person under the elbow while hanging out with other people. Another neologism to designate a toxic love practice that discourages single people.

This is what "cookie jarring" is, the new toxic trend you should really watch out for

Romantic relationships can be deep sources of joy and help us thrive and grow ... as long as we avoid falling into the trap of toxic relationships. The new trend of "cookie jarring" is precisely one of those relationships that we would happily do without and that we must learn to detect in order to escape as quickly as possible!

The "cookie jarring" was defined by psychologist Catalina Lawsin in an interview to NBC News as an unbalanced relationship is for one partner, a relationship quite normal and respectful, but not for the other as a  "plan B" for safety.

The person who applies the cookie jarring is in fact keeping the other under the elbow only so as not to be left alone, warm as in a box of cookies , just to have someone to chew on for the moments of little hunger (or loneliness). The people who practice cookie jarring are either people who try to seduce another but want to ensure their back in case this first attempt at seduction is unsuccessful, or profiles who are afraid of loneliness and prefer to keep a relationship. annex for reassurance .

You have understood it, the very principle of cookie jarring is not healthy at all, especially if the other partner is not aware that he is only a "  stopper  " for the other. and that he feels he is on an equal footing in a relationship that is balanced and respectful for both.

Obviously, the cookie jarring does no good for anyone, neither for the partner who is the  "  cookie  " in the other's box, since it makes him dependent and creates an imbalance in the relationship, nor for the partner who practices it. "Cookie jarring  " because he does not take his responsibilities and does not make a clear decision for fear of loneliness or lack of self-confidence.

To avoid jarring cookie , the easiest way is to talk as soon as possible of your respective expectations. What do you want to share in this relationship? How do you see things? Do you see other people? Are you exclusive? It is not always easy to bring up the subject right away, but it is essential to clear things up as soon as possible so that you both can create a balanced and respectful relationship for each partner.

To help you do this, immediately discover these 4 questions to ask your partner as soon as possible to advance your relationship and the softest way to bring this discussion to create a reassuring and reassuring space for conversation for everyone.

Are you dating someone but feeling like “a back-up plan”? Be careful, you may be the victim of "cookie jarring". We explain this stratagem to you, which you should be wary of.

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Cookie jarring: what is this toxic love tendency?

Your partner shuns conversations about the nature of your relationship and always decides to see you on a whim? You may be the victim of "cookie jarring", a tendency to flee in love. What is it and how to recognize this toxic technique?

Love bombing, ghosting , sneating … These neologisms describe unsavory love practices, since they refer to the fact of passing off as the ideal partner in order to better manipulate one's spouse, or to break up with someone by disappearing from the overnight without giving any explanations.

In the list of the most cruel trends, we also find the "cookie jarring", which refers to "cookie jar", meaning "cookie box". The person who is the victim of this technique then becomes a plan B. In the same way that one would dig into a cake box stored at the bottom of a drawer for comfort, the person who practices "cookie jarring" turns to you. if needed.

Individuals who practice "cookie jarring" do not prevent themselves from dating other people, while keeping you under the elbow and without intending to maintain a lasting relationship .

If both partners have agreed on the type of relationship they have, this way of operating may be of no consequence. This is not the case when one of the two partners undergoes the "cookie jarring".

American psychotherapist Tina B. Tessina detailed these signs in 2019 on NBC News. Among them is the fact that the partner never wants to make plans with you. It is therefore always you who propose to him , as if you were the engine of the relationship. The cookie jarring person always wants to see you on a whim and doesn't bother to keep in touch with you. And that person spends their time shying away from conversations about the nature or future of your relationship .


How do you know if you are a victim of "cookie jarring"?

The very principle of manipulation is that it is difficult to detect. Certain signals can nevertheless alert, as revealed the American psychotherapist Tina B. Tessina in 2019 on NBC News . Among them, we find the fact that your partner never wants to make plans with you, always wants to see you on a whim, does not make the effort to stay in touch with you or even spends his time avoiding conversations. about the nature of your relationship.

Specialists therefore recommend trusting your instincts : "If you are dating someone, but you still feel a little uncomfortable about your status in their life, there is a good chance that you are. fucking you , "US marriage and family therapist Theresa Herring pointed out on NBC News .

This is how we could translate / define this trend of "cookie jarring" in French . You can always go and indulge yourself without guilt on a good little cookie kept warm at home, no problem with this way of life, unless instead of food we talk about exclusive human relationships . In the same way that she would dig into a cake box stored at the bottom of a cupboard for comfort, the person who practices "cookie jarring" turns to one or one of her partners, only in case of need .

Romantic relationships are sometimes very complicated. Some even become toxic, especially when one of the partners practice "cookie jarring". What is this trend that can be devastating?

The "cookie jarring" occurs when a person maintains a relationship of "  contingency plan  ". If you are in a relationship, it means that you have a second person under the elbow , next to your main relationship. You see her every now and then because you need to or because things are going wrong with your primary partner. Like a cookie box, you keep that second person close by for “snacking”. This ploy may seem to provide a sense of security for the one who practices it.

Yet this trend is not doing anyone any good. The main person becomes dependent on people he likes and is very afraid of being alone. Also, if the other person in the primary relationship finds out, it will surely end very badly. At the same time, the “spare tire” person is manipulated and may find himself unable to embark on another more sincere relationship.

"Cookie jarring" is an unbalanced relationship, in which one partner keeps the other as a simple back-up plan, or "plan B". A tendency in relationships, toxic for both partners, and therefore to flee urgently! Explanations.

Warning signs

Different signs can show that you are someone's "spare tire": your partner is distant , often busy, he has trouble committing, he shows little in public with you .If so , first take the time to think things through. Once you have thought about the situation, talk to the person directly. Obviously, you have no guarantee that she will tell you the truth. Take the opportunity to re-dot the “I's” and recall your needs in a relationship.

"  If you are dating someone, but still feel a little uncomfortable about your status in their life, the chances are good that you are getting screwed,  " explained on NBC News Marriage and Family Therapist Theresa Herring. So be careful!


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The “ Cookie Jarring ” love phenomenon actually takes its name from the term “cookie jar” in English, literally “cookie jar”.

These neologisms describe unsavory love practices, since they refer to pretending to be the partner

Is your romantic partner distant, not very available and not fully invested? You may be the victim of "cookie jarring". This term designates a new  toxic love practice that we could do without. Like " roaching ", it is based on insincerity and manipulation. Here's everything you need to know to avoid it.

"Cookie jarring" is a cruel new love trend that could be translated in French as "cookie jar". Psychologist Catalina Lawsin, in an interview with NBC News , described it as "an unbalanced relationship  which is, for one partner, a completely normal and respectful relationship, but which is not for the partner. 'other than a plan B  for safety reasons ".

How can you help a friend in a toxic relationship?

So what about cookies? Well, it's all a matter of imagination. The cookie here is the person put aside and kept warm, in case the main person lets go. Clearly, we become one of the spare wheels. So there is nothing greedy about the cookie jarring . On the contrary. The followers of this practice are usually people who try to seduce another, but who have their backs. It can also concern individuals who do not like exclusivity, who get bored quickly as a couple and who are not fans of " honesty bombing ".

Individuals who practice " cookie jarring " often see multiple victims at the same time. And no, you are not their only cookie. The individuals they see are, however, hierarchical. Often there is their favorite person and the rest. But they don't want to engage with people . They like to snack on multiple cookies.

In addition to causing harm to those to whom it is inflicted, cookie jarring can, in some cases, reveal a fear of abandonment . Having several people available, in your cookie box, minimizes our chances of being alone. But by dodging loneliness, the Cookie Eater sets up a harmful and destructive scheme for his victims.

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At the time, he felt like he was only getting the benefits of this situation. But it's a bit more complicated. He can end up developing a need to please even when in a relationship . Not to mention the risk of losing the person he really cares about, if that person finds out. The collateral damage is also numerous:   the individual considered as a cookie is slowed down in his love life and may lose self-confidence if he learns what is going on.

By fleeing loneliness or wanting to seduce several people while ensuring his back, the cookie eater creates a deleterious ploy for everyone

One of the principles of love manipulation is that it is difficult to detect. But there may be a few signals that don't lie. The American psychotherapist Tina B. Tessina exposed a few points in 2019 on NBC News . According to her, one of the signs that should not be overlooked is the fact of not wanting to project yourself into a relationship . For good reason, the person does not even know if you will still be part of their life in the weeks that follow.

More : How to recognize a toxic romantic relationship?

People who practice "cookie jarring" do not plan to see you in advance. On the contrary, they call you at the last moment, on a whim, indicates the psychotherapist. Another thing to watch out for is the fact that they keep avoiding discussions about the nature of your relationship. In short, you are at her disposal and on the verge of falling into a toxic romantic relationship .

It can happen to anyone to be a victim of romantic manipulation . Even the Best If you feel like you're someone's cookie, the best thing to do is talk to them after you've thought about it. Do not hesitate to set the record straight by mentioning the criteria you expect from a relationship. Taking the lead will also prevent you from developing affection, even love, for that person who just wants to sleep with you .

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Do not hesitate to distance yourself, even to cut the bridges if he or she does not seem to listen to your needs. And to avoid ending up in anyone's cookie box, talk about your need for exclusivity (if there is one) on the first dates. It might scare him off, but at least you'll avoid turning yourself into a cookie.

If you feel that any of these signs correspond to the relationship you are in right now, it is necessary to take the initiative. You will have to communicate with your partner , and as soon as possible. Define together what you expect in your relationship , and tackle the crucial issue of exclusivity. Okay, there's no proof that this person is 100% honest with you in this discussion, but it can be a good opportunity to explain your needs , and maybe save some time!

Have you ever managed to escape a toxic relationship like this? Let's discuss it on The YEET forum  !