Psychology: How To Overcome The Traps Of Manipulators? Advice From A Former Hostage Negotiator

Seducer, psychopath, white knight, narcissistic pervert ... These individuals have in common that they are manipulators. So, how to recognize them and counter these behaviors to protect yourself?

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By YEET MAGAZINE | Updated 0339 GMT (1239 HKT) October 10, 2023


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Seducer, psychopath, white knight, narcissistic pervert ... These individuals have in common that they are manipulators. So, how to recognize them and counter these behaviors to protect yourself?

Christophe C., former chief negotiator, signs the Small guide to counter-manipulation to no longer be bamboozled.

One day or another, we let people enter our lives who are understanding, benevolent… But who turn out to be manipulators and give us the impression of being in an episode of the Criminal Minds series . In the Small guide to counter-manipulation , Christophe C., former head of negotiation pool and consultant since 2011 in negotiation and mediation for the administrations of large industrial groups, explains how to understand, detect and counter these manipulators. "It was by being in contact with people who lived with manipulators, in their work or in their private life that I had the idea for this book ", explains the author.

So how do we recognize these toxic people and oppose them once they have entered our lives? Christophe C. advises above all to trust each other when meeting these individuals. “There are some that we see coming from afar, but others for which it takes more time and which can deceive us , he explains. And wonder at one point why we changed our minds about it. It is essential to keep your objectivity at first. " And if we did some profiling?

The stalker

He is the one who dreams of might and power. He tends to play with his position to manipulate others and look for each other's faults in order to track them down and attack them better. The stalkers operate in several spheres: at work, where favorable develop its grip since employees can in some ways not escape. He usually seeks to transfer his own stress to others and if possible to a person who “accepts” this stress because they are dedicated or simply cannot say stop. In the marital sphere, the stalker has a guilty grip on his or her partner and will accuse him of everything that is wrong with the relationship.

How to counter it: It is essential not to submit to the stalker. The more you give in, the more your demands will be numerous and intense. The best alternative is to make him aware of the abnormal situation that he generates, to explain what one feels without directly criticizing his behavior. A direct confrontation is obviously essential but it can be done by the legal channels of complaint near the authorities, trade unions or justice.

The seducer and the seductress

They both have the same engine, but not the same declination. Narcissistic, these individuals will at first glance very attentive, flatter, value, make laugh the person they are targeting. "They do not seek to seduce the other in order to love or protect him, the other is only an instrument which allows reassurance through conquest" . Because what seducers are looking for is for their ego to be flattered , and they cannot stand failure. Compared to seducers, seductresses take up the codes of male domination and associate the relationship of seduction with issues of power.

How to counter them: vigilance is the key word. The target of seducers will allow them to satisfy a need for conquest. The best way to get rid of it is probably to not invest in it and expect nothing from it. Playing "fair cinema" is essential so as not to feel obliged to give in to everything.

The narcissistic pervert

This predator feeds on its hold over others. At the beginning, he shows himself to be considerate, attentive, attentive in order to gain confidence ... To subsequently better harm and destroy the other through three types of behavior: seduction, control, manipulation. Once the flaws of his victim are detected, the narcissistic pervert will humiliate her, devalue her, make her feel guilty. “His disproportionate ego forbids him to question himself, and in the end, he feeds on the suffering of the other. "

How to counter it: it is necessary not to justify oneself because the narcissistic pervert has the answer to everything and will always find a way to make the other suffer until he is satisfied with the result. End this unhealthy relationship as quickly as possible and the best way to get out of it. Limit contact and do not entrust anything personal to these people to protect their privacy and keep in mind that the best defense is attack: destroying this person's social reputation and denouncing their behavior, alerting them to their perversity is also a way to prevent the collateral damage that this person could cause on others.

The psychopath

This individual has a complete lack of empathy, is impulsive and has no remorse. The psychopaths are not emotional but charismatic. They have no trouble using their charms to avoid the anger of others, question authority figures for no reason, and are able to remain calm when others around them cannot. They are indifferent and have an absence of sentimentality.

How to counter them: this individual is a follower of "give and take". Better to adopt a direct and pragmatic approach with him. No need to try to make him feel guilty, intimidate or move him, you just have to play on the profit / loss logic for him and give him the impression that he is in control. However, pay attention to what is offered to him because he is picky about verbal commitments. "He's the perfect opportunist traitor . "

The dependent liability

For this person, individuals are nothing more than psychic support. The passive dependent grieves a person to consider him as the most important of his life when he has established an unhealthy relationship of emotional dependence. This person suffers from an unbearable fear of abandonment. The manipulated person embodies for him a kind of savior, but he will remain in a “process of continual victimization which serves to make people feel guilty, especially if he feels that the person is trying to flee the relationship. "

How to counter it: in no case should you try to solve your problems: the more this individual feels supported, the more he locks the relationship and therefore the dependence on the manipulated. It is enough to give this person a defined time (for example at certain hours, certain days) and to establish a distance so that it does not invade the lives of others. A work of regulation to be applied as soon as the relationship becomes abnormal.

The white knight

He is at first glance full of common sense, has values, principles and convictions. Ready to invest and defend what he believes in, the white knight becomes a model, whom we admire and respect. But the more time passes, the more he becomes heavy, proud , expresses a simplifying way of seeing or judging ... In case of opposing ideas, he will make you feel guilty by denouncing your lack of conviction and commitment. Recognizable by his strong persuasive power, his enthusiasm pushes those around him to support him and adhere to his ideas until his vanity and radicalism become unbearable.

How to counter it: this noble, legitimate and exemplary behavior is nothing other than a pretext to exercise one's influence and power over others. In reality, the White Knight feeds on conflicts as he pretends to seek to avoid them. The best way not to be bamboozled by this person is not to play criticism or justify their morality. Unfair, no need to hope to build lasting and peaceful relationships with him. Better to stay away.

The guardian of the temple

This one could easily pass for a more than exemplary person: he claims to be the most respectful of the rules, irreproachable, who upholds the moral of the company ... Often high in the hierarchy, he feeds his thirst for power by asserting all that respect.

Paranoid at will, he is in reality an impostor of political correctness and proves to be evil, not knowing how to remain exemplary. His personality is only built with the aim of self-complimenting to the detriment of others that he uses in order to pass for the ideal being. And even if he is lonely, he knows how to surround himself with people who will be faithful to him, but without reciprocity.

How to counter it: accumulate everything that could be detrimental to it: embezzlement, errors ... And unpack the proof of its actions with the hierarchy. "On the other hand, expect to make a mortal enemy of him . " But after all, why would we let it go?

Are you wondering about narcissistic perverts or have you been confronted with a manipulator? Come and discover the testimonials of our readers on this theme or share your story, by clicking here .

Read also: Seduction: narcissists and manipulators crack women


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