The 36 Questions You Need To Ask Before You Fall In Love

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Update 2329 GMT (0729 HKT) May 16, 2022


All you have to do is ask yourself 36 questions and answer them for feelings to arise. Love, as simple as that?

The fear of falling in love can also be linked to the fear of becoming attached to a person and forgetting oneself personally.

Practical guide to falling in love

The American psychologist Arthur Aron claimed in 1997 that it was enough for two strangers to ask themselves 36 very specific questions while looking into each other's eyes for at least four minutes for them to fall in love. This experiment made the rounds of the media last year following an experiment by Mandy Len Catron, a professor at the University of Vancouver, who took the test. She then testified to the results in a New York Times article –  To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This  –  and explained that if love was not born only from the 36 questions and answers exchanged, the latter allowed us to weave a useful intimacy. at the outbreak of feelings.

Does it work ? Should they be asked? Look into each other's eyes?

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“ Many of these questions touch on topics that are essential to the meaning of life . An existence devoid of goals, values ​​or dreams generates great distress. This questionnaire is fundamentally focused on this great existential need: to make sense.
Partners in love need to have a common vision , but this is where the first possible pitfall lies in this questionnaire: we should not expect the other to resemble us and share everything that makes sense to us. , which differs from itself, far from harming us, enriches us and increases the attraction.

The search for an intimate bond with the other is fundamental .

Talking to oneself, exchanging through the gaze (the eyes do not lie; they are the mirror of the soul), nurturing physical contact, revealing one's sensitivity and vulnerability are keys to fulfilled couples. This questionnaire seeks this proximity but, and this is the second possible pitfall, it is built only over time. It should not be confused with the enamour of the first times which gives the intense illusion of being spontaneously on the same wavelength. Anyway, the search for love is largely unconscious.

One last important point. A questionnaire rarely generates a shared and lasting state of love. It leads, more often than not, to too many expectations, even demands on the other.

The virtues of the 36 questions are elsewhere .

They are more to be considered as a road map of the relationship and not of the meeting. There is no right or wrong answer. They nourish the 3 pillars of a healthy relational foundation: giving, receiving and revealing. As such, these questions are to be explored for a lifetime. The answers will evolve but this questionnaire can promote the empathy, benevolence and healthy confrontation (being true to each other) necessary for the consolidation of the intimate bond. "

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The 36 Questions

Part 1

1) If you could have dinner with anyone in the world, who would you choose?

2) Would you like to be famous? How?

3) Before a phone call, do you repeat each time what you are going to say? Why ?

4) How would you define a "perfect day"?

5) When was the last time you sang to yourself? And for someone?

6) If you could live to be 90 and have either the mind or the body of a 30-something for the last sixty years of your life, what would you choose?

7) Do you have a feeling about how you are going to die?

8) List three things you and your partner seem to have in common.

9) What is the thing you are most grateful for in life?

10) If you could change one thing about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11) Take four minutes to tell your partner about your life in as much detail as possible.

12) If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or skill, what would it be?

Part 2

13) If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything, what would you want to know?

14) Is there something you have been dreaming about for a long time? Why didn't you realize it?

15) What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16) What is the most important thing in friendship?

17) What is your most precious memory?

18) What is your most terrible memory?

19) If you knew you were going to die suddenly in a year, would you change anything about your lifestyle? Why ?

20) What does the word "friendship" mean to you?

21) What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22) Exchange with your partner something that you consider a positive characteristic about him. Share five in total.

23) How close-knit and warm is your family? Do you think your childhood was happier than most people's?

24) How would you rate your relationship with your mother?

Part 3

25) Each tell three truths beginning with the word "we". For example: “ We are both in this room…

26) Complete this sentence: " I wish I had someone to share... "

27) If you were to get close to your partner, tell him or her what would be important for him or her to know.

28) Tell your partner what you like about him. Be very honest and only say things you wouldn't say to someone you just met.

29) Share an embarrassing moment in your life with your partner.

30) When have you cried in front of another person? And all alone?

31) Tell your partner something you already appreciate about them.

32) Which topic is too serious to laugh about?

33) If you were to die tonight without having the opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not saying? Why didn't you tell them so far?

34) Your house, which contains everything that belongs to you, catches fire. After rescuing your family and pets, you have time to safely recover only one thing. What would it be? Why ?

35) The death of which member of your family would affect you the most? Why ?

36) Share a personal problem and ask your partner how they would handle it. Also ask your partner to tell you how he thinks you feel about this issue.

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