By Aditi Aditi Maheshwari | YEET MAGAZINE  Published 0400 GMT (1200 HKT) June 13, 2021

Manipulators are people we come across in our ordinary daily routine settings like offices, colleges, businesses, classes, workshops, etc. They carry narcissist traits but we often fail to notice them for a long time. In this article I am sharing the popular techniques used by the manipulators and how to fight them.

Gaslighting is the most common way of eroding your sense of ability to trust. The gaslighting effect diverts you from the reality into believing an illusion. The best way to deal is to maintain a personal reality checklist - meaning watch whether person’s words match their actions or do they simply play mind games and in this process be detached to the person concerned so that you may not blind yourself from proper analysis.

The spiteful people usually use the silent treatment. They do not respond in a transparent way. They use the nebulous approach. The best hack is to be clear regarding your personal beliefs and act accordingly.

Another most common way is to constantly make you feel less than and unworthy. Even if you prove your point with complete proof they will still find ways or excuses to continue the mistreatment and will constantly make you feel unworthy. Solution is to stop engaging by validating yourself to make them understand. The best hack is to get distant. You have much better things to do than engage yourself in negativity. People who constantly attack your confidence and self esteem are quite aware of your potential. You are self sufficient; your self worth does not depend on them.

People also choose different means to avoid accountability. They will constantly find ways to benefit themselves and are reckless to the extent that another life can get deeply damaged because of them. Solution is to realize that the psychopaths are insensitive people who cannot constructively solve any problem and lack the guts to face the situation they have created themselves, so the best is to disengage with such people in any surrounding you encounter them in.

Playground bullies are only after you so that they can continue to attack you mentally and emotionally, in order to feel superior. They lack in higher level methods of grace and dignity. The only way to deal best with such people is to distance yourself from them as much as possible.

Evil geniuses also use the technique of divide and rule by creating an illusion of unity. The best hack is to ground yourself and think things through to choose when to respond and react. Don’t let any other person’s horribleness provoke you to the point of indulging yourself in any negative behavior.

Remember, the way a person treats another is the parameter to judge whether they are empathetic or narcissist. Making harsh comments, devaluing others based on preconceived prejudices, making someone feel invisible, being insensitive to the hurt or pain caused by them to another, cool demeanor but passive aggression, appearing innocent but stabbing behind the back, use of foul language for no fault of another, etc are the traits when practiced by someone regularly reveals that they are narcissist and not empathetic. Solution is to be careful and protect yourself simply by paying attention to the small details.

Narcissist love to use a third party to manipulate and create a drama where in the third party is the victim and not you. Or they use the third party to threaten you so that you may operate as per their will. Solution is to understand that either the third party is the next victim of the narcissist or has partnered with the narcissist to influence your sense of self negatively. When the narcissist is not able to influence you they usually resort to ways whereby to cause others to undermine you and by influencing how others see you. Solution is to understand that the right people who truly belong in your life can see your true self. They will encourage you to spread your light and shine brightly.

Manipulators only understand what they want to understand. The meaning they apply to your words is simply one that benefits them. Their perspective is not beyond their personal interests. They use your words and ideas against you only. Solution is not to bother yourself by considering what they think about you matters. Don’t limit yourself to their opinion of you. They also try to isolate you. One of the ways narcissist dominate others to their will is by making others weak by influencing their mind and heart. Solution is to be indifferent by detaching yourself from the person and also not to take such acts of narcissist personally because they have nothing to do with you, it only simply reveals that these narcissists are unable to face your individuality and so they choose to isolate you or outcast you.

Lying, cheating, framing things to their advantage are routine characteristics of narcissists and the main thing to remember here is that you can NEVER beat a lier. Integrity is a personal choice whether it is personally or professionally.

All the above should be considered so that innocent souls are prevented from being ruined for no fault of theirs.  Remember, the fact that we can’t change people but we can always choose to handle the people around us. We can impart knowledge not wisdom so stop sabotaging yourself.


[PSYCHO] Get out of the grip and outsmart the manipulators

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The influence is still too little understood. According to some, it is the weak who allow themselves to be manipulated and if they stay, it is because they like it. But  manipulation can arise in any sphere: family, work, friends ...Newsletter La Première

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It is nevertheless necessary to differentiate two characters: the manipulator and the narcissistic pervert. The manipulator will manipulate because he wants something. The narcissistic pervert wants to use the other to live and to destroy him.

Very often, when we are manipulated, we are not aware of the mechanisms that are put in place. In fact, there are  3 phases to manipulation:

Phase 1: the honeymoon

The manipulator is charming. This is the phase of promises and fine speeches. But often, promises remain promises. What to watch out for is when these promises become deeds. We value others. There is also an idealized discourse.

Example:

I was only waiting for you to live

You are the person i was waiting for

In short, we let go. We let ourselves be seduced.

Phase 2: devaluation

Insidiously, the manipulator will devalue the other. It is in this phase that self-esteem will be damaged. It will be done little by little by small acts.

No damn salting the dishes properly.

Are you really going to go out like this?

These little remarks are often made in the tone of humor. The manipulator defuses, apologizes but it is still said. There are also other techniques that the manipulator uses: conditioning, double bind, love bombing - preaching falsehood in order to know the true -, attacks, guilt, psychological games ...

Phase 3: isolation

This is when the manipulator wants to occupy all the space: financial, mental, emotional. He will do everything to be your only universe. He begins to express doubts about his victim's entourage.

They will do anything to make you feel uncomfortable in most situations. They are also very good at creating conflict. A family dinner with a manipulator can turn into vaudeville.

In order not to have to undergo these situations, the victim ends up avoiding seeing his family or his friends for fear of the reaction of the manipulator.

The manipulated is not a weakling

Contrary to popular belief, the manipulated cannot be called weak. These are often people who have a high intellectual level, who think a lot but whose past contains elements that predispose them to be manipulated.

We don't stay because we want to. It's a false belief

The victims often have very high values ​​but they do not apply them to themselves. For example,  respect is important to them. But they don't get respect.

The manipulated are generally resistant personalities who have a very high tolerance threshold. But the manipulator personality takes up so much of their life that they just don't get the chance to put their values ​​into action.

What to do ?

It is often the relatives who realize the manipulation because they are rejected. To try to make the manipulated aware of his situation, it will be necessary to act in a roundabout way.

Ask questions. Awaken his critical mind. The work is generally slow but it is beneficial

Do you find it normal that…?

Do you think that's the way it should work?

What would you say if the same happened to me?

Acting head-on is often a mistake. Saying to someone: "you realize that your guy is manipulative" is more destructive than constructive.

How to rebuild?

An important point is to understand the grip in which we are. This will allow you to feel guilty and it will be the first step in the reconstruction. Often the manipulated believes he is responsible. We are in a situation of lack of something.

Another important step is to see where we have been and learn from it. Once out of this toxic relationship, life comes back to life.